1. Believe that torture is moral.
2. Believe that torture is an effective tool in gathering information.
3. Believe that to catch a criminal in Afghanistan you should invade Iraq.
4. Believe “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED”
5. Believe that King James wrote the Bible.
6. Believe that Jesus planted dinosaur bones in the ground around 4000 BC to fool atheistical scientists.
7. Hand over your child for butt fucking to any politician or preacher who yells Jesus! three times in a row.
8. Hand over your child for killing in some desert to any draft dodging politician who hollers USA! three times in a row.
9. Believe that Jesus toted a machine gun and drove an SUV.
10. Believe that 9/11 happened because the USA had too many homos; and Katrina; and the Holocaust.
11. Believe that climate change doesn’t exist because you can’t find it mentioned in the Bible—even in the Greek and Hebrew editions.
12. Believe that tax cuts for the superrich will really help someone other than the superrich.
13. Believe it is fine for a USA President to hold hands with a Saudi prince, as long as he doesn’t suck his dick—unless he greases it with oil—and then sucks it for oil.
14. Believe that affirmative action sucks until Jews and Asians take tests.
15. Believe that cancer, polio, deformed babies, and Pat Robertson prove the existence of intelligent design.
16. Believe that women should shut up in church, cover their heads, defer to any human being who wears a penis, and, in short, act like they live in Saudi Arabia.
17. Believe in Christian LOVE as long as the neighbor is not black, brown, poor, immigrant, or gay.
18. Believe that one of the happiest pleasures of living in Heaven will be to watch all the sinners suffer in Hell.
19. Believe that Jesus is coming next week so who cares about melting down the stupid planet, and who cares about selling the whole USA to Chinese gangsters and Arab oil magnates.
20. Believe that Condi Rice is a good role model for Negroes; that Alberto Gonzales is not a whore; that Colon Powell has integrity; that Brownie did a heckuva job; that George Tenet deserves the medal of Freedom; that Rush Limbaugh is not a drug addict; that Larry Craig is not gay; that Jerry Falwell has a brain; and that George Bush a manly man who can talk English real good.
21. Believe that when “treason prospers none dare call it treason” applies only to some 1960s campaign slogan.
22. Believe that live isn’t worth living unless you have at least one inferior to hate, some boogey man to fear, and some boss to adore.
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